I Do Something I Haven’t Done in Three Years is the eighty-first chapter of Zak Saturday's Immortal Love Life. It was first published on March 21, 2016.
I doubt anyone has ever said this in the same sentence before, but having a fling with my twin brother was kind of great.
That is, until, I went to the doctor with Zak and we saw a sonogram of our baby girl inside of me.
“Wow,” I said.
“I know,” Zak agreed. “She’s beautiful.”
“She?” the doctor asked. “Do you hope it’s a girl?”
“We know it’s a girl.”
The doctor was still confused.
“It’s a long story,” I told her. “But Zak and I are one-hundred-percent-positive that our baby is going to be a girl.”
“Well, it’s still going to take a few months until we can confirm that ourselves,” she said. “But ok.”
Looking at my daughter and seeing how happy her daddy was made me feel really guilty.
I was cheating on him with my brother, my twin brother, and pregnant with our daughter, who must be effected by that in some way. I felt even more guilty that I could be causing my daughter a lot of pain, both physically and emotionally. I had to stop this. Now.
After our appointment with the doctor, I took Zak home, then I went back to my home to talk to Zack, and I dragged him into one of the rooms downstairs.
He took that as a sign to kiss me.
“Zack, stop,” I said. “We need to talk.”
“About what?” he asked.
“About this. Us. We can’t do this anymore.”
“What? Why not?”
“You know why. Now stop.”
He pulled away from me.
I sighed. “Zack, we’re twin brother and sister. This is beyond wrong, and not just for that reason. I’m in love with Zak, and I don’t want to hurt him, especially not like this. And I’m sure you do too about Selena.”
“And I’m also pregnant with mine and Zak’s daughter, and Selena’s pregnant with your child, who I’m actually sure will be a boy.”
“What? How do you know it’s going to be a boy?”
“Well, I just happened to remember about the dream I had when I was in my coma, and in it, you and Selena were married and had had a son when you two were sixteen, which you will be when he’s born. I also remember his name.”
“Really? What was it?”
“I’ll wait to see if you name him that.”
“A son. . . .”
“See?” I said. “Do you really want to do this to your son and Selena?”
“No,” Zack replied.
“Neither do I to them and to my daughter and Zak. So let’s stop this affair we’re having, ok?”
He sighed. “Fine.”
“You don’t sound like you want to.”
“That’s because I don’t. But at the same time, I do.”
“Why don’t you want to?”
“Because I—” He faltered, then sighed. “Sarah, I love you.”
“You love me? What do you mean?”
“Sarah, I’m in love with you. More than as a brother.”
I could hardly process what he just told me. “You’re in love with me? Do you mean like how Zak’s in love with me?”
“Yes,” Zack replied.
“How—How long have you felt this way?”
“Since Nick saved me a few years ago when he gave me shelter during those months. All I could think about was you since Nick showed me how pained you were at losing me, and I would talk about you a lot. Alex made a little joke to me about me having a crush on you, and I knew he was right. Especially when you and I kissed. Don’t you feel the same way?”
“I—no. I love Zak. Not you. Not like that.”
“Then why were you kissing me back?”
“I—ok, I do feel drawn to you, but I don’t want to be. Can’t we just be brother and sister again without all the drama?”
“I don’t want us to be.”
“Well, what about Selena and your son?”
“I never wanted to hurt them.”
“Then don’t. Let’s just forget this whole thing happened, ok? And your feelings for me? Fight them, because I’ll never feel the same way.”
“I realize that now. So, ok.”
Zack walked over to the bed and sat down on it.
I sat down next to him. “Do you want to know a secret of mine?”
“What?” he asked.
“You know how I helped you and Selena get together, five years ago?”
“Well, for about a year after that, until I met Zak, I had regretted helping you two get together.”
He looked at me. “Why?”
“Because, Zack. You and I were so close before you and Selena became a couple. We were together all the time. But, then, you split all that time in half and spent the other half with her. That made me really mad and upset. So mad and upset that I became, I guess, a bitch and just let you have most of the time with her.”
“And that’s when Mom and Dad made Emily.”
I nodded. “Yeah. You remember that?”
He nodded. “Yeah. We weren’t that young that I wouldn’t remember that. But I’m sorry I made you feel that way and neglected you. I kind of knew that then, though not to that extent that you would feel regretful for that, and I felt so guilty because of it, but I still didn’t do anything to stop it.”
“It’s ok. That’s how it usually is.”
“Not with us it’s not. That’s what makes us special.”
I half smiled. “I no longer feel that way, and I haven’t in a long time.”
“Because you have Zak.”
“Yeah. At least, I hope I still do.”
“And I hope I still have Selena.”
I laid my head on his shoulder. “This could be hard.”
“Yeah,” Zack said. “Maybe we should go talk to Mom about this. She’ll know what we should do.”
And off we went.
We found Mom, and Zack and I told her about us. She didn’t seem too surprised, but she obviously was not happy about it, especially when we told her how far we’ve gone.
She sighed and looked at Zack. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to control yourself for long.”
“And you were right,” he replied.
“Wait,” I said. “You knew?”
Mom nodded. “Yes. Zack told me a year ago, and Nick and I have been trying to help him cope with it, but I knew it wasn’t going to help forever. You can’t keep a secret forever. Maybe for days, weeks, months, and years, but never forever. I know that from experience.”
“Ok. But I don’t understand why we feel this way for each other. We’re brother and sister, and it didn’t even feel that weird, even though I know it’s wrong.”
“That’s temptation, Sarah. Being in that kind position is very personal. It makes you very vulnerable, probably the most vulnerable you’ll ever feel, and you would only allow yourself to be that vulnerable with someone you trust very much. You and Zack have known each other your whole lives, and you trust each other with pretty much everything, right?”
We both nodded in agreement.
“That can be dangerous and cause you to do things you’ll regret for the rest of your life, which is why you both need to get control of yourselves and stay in control. Temptation is something you should never give in to, even if it is for the right reasons, which is up to you to decide if it’s right or wrong. If it’s for the right reasons, like say with you Sarah and with Zak, and you Zack with Selena, you give into the attraction, the temptation, little by little, never full-speed-ahead quickly. You should not give one-hundred-percent into temptation until you’re married. But giving into temptation for the wrong reasons, like say with you two, needs to be avoided at all costs. It is not good at all, no matter how hard you try, you can’t make that a good thing. That could make the world much worse than it already is. I’ve allowed myself to be selfish and give into the wrong temptations a lot, especially in the past few years, as you both know, all of which I deeply regret. It’s something I never would’ve done when I was your age. Don’t make the same mistakes. You two need to learn to make yourselves avoid those kind of temptations, no matter how much you hate it you know it’s for the right reasons, and the sooner you do that, the better off you’ll be.”
“I know now Zack’s feelings for me, and I don’t them, and we want to stop this. Well, I do, anyway. How can we do this easily?”
“It won’t be easy. But I think you should tell Zak and Selena, especially since you’re having a child with them. I know you two love them and they’re reasonable, and I know they’ll help you two love each other like before. Ok?”
Zack and I looked at each other.
We didn’t like the idea, but for the sake of our relationship with each other and Zak and Selena and our children, we did it.
We brought Zak and Selena together in a private room and told them everything. They were surprised, of course.
“Wow,” Selena said.
“That’s disturbing,” Zak said.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “And we want to stop it now for our whole family. Right, Zack?”
He nodded. “Right.”
“Will you two help us with that?”
They looked at each other.
Selena turned to Zack. “You’re in love with Sarah.”
“Yes,” he replied. “But I love you too. I mean it.”
“But which one more?”
He hesitated. “Sarah. But I will do whatever I can to love you more than her.”
“You can’t always decide who you love, Zack. But I believe you. We can try.”
He smiled and kissed her.
I turned toward Zak. “What about you?”
“Of course, Sarah,” he said. “I’d do anything for you and our daughter.”
“So would I.”
He kissed me.
I smiled. “Thank you both for forgiving us and helping us through this. But let’s just keep this between the four of us and try to forget about it. Agreed?”
Whoa. Ok. That went easier than I thought it would be. Mom was right: they were reasonable. Not that I thought they weren’t going to be. And because of that, I knew even more how good of parents they’re going to be.
And I couldn’t wait.
Well, that takes care of that. I hope this chapter could teach you guys a little bit about temptations, and how we need to control them.
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